


your heart is the only place that i call home

by mindelan



Series: tumblr prompts [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drabble Collection, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Injury Recovery, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-08-23 18:44:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 18,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16624412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mindelan/pseuds/mindelan
Summary: “How about this,” Cassian proposes, kissing her forehead. She melts into his touch. “We get a little more sleep, and we can do it again when you feel better. And sober.”“I’d like that,” she admits, closing her eyes. “I’m gonna…I’m gonna marry you so hard later.”His laugh rumbles in his chest. “I wouldn’t expect any less from you. Sleep, Jyn.”(a prompt collection.)





	1. "is it really you?" part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anonymous asked on tumblr: "Prompts if you're interested. “Is it really you?”
> 
> tw: grief, mourning, (assumed) major character death

Cassian is in shock –– has been, for the last couple hours, ever since he’s heard the news. 

Jyn Erso is dead. Jyn is dead. She’s _dead._

She’s been missing in action for a few weeks now, but this morning, they’d declared her killed in action. No one, not even Jyn kriffing Erso, would be able to survive that long in Imperial custody alone, especially since she’d probably been injured beforehand her capture. 

Force, the thought of that makes his knees weak, threatening to collapse. Because of a blaster bolt to the shoulder, he’d been on medical leave at the time of Jyn’s mission. If only he had been better –– if only he had been strong enough _faster_ –– 

Maybe he could have gone with her and prevented this whole mess from ever happening. 

The worst part is? They’re not sending anyone out after her, no rescue missions, no retrieval missions. 

_(”Don’t get your hopes up, Captain,” Draven says gruffly, a hint of sadness in his eyes. It seems that, despite himself, the general had grown rather fond of Jyn as well. “You and I both know how small her chance of survival is.”)_

Blearily, he stumbles through the hallway, not really seeing or processing his surroundings. He nearly slams into a recruit, but doesn’t bother apologizing, just keeps walking, head down, with a narrow, single-minded focus.

He needs to get back to their –– _his_ , now, and that realization nearly makes him throw up –– his room and just…he needs to…

Kriffing hell, how is she karking _dead?_

It doesn’t make sense. How could someone so dynamic, so full of life, someone like Jyn –– how could they just be snuffed out like that? It doesn’t make sense. When Draven had told him the news about how she’d never reached one of her checkpoints, he hadn’t believed him. Surely she would get there soon. She might just need the extra time; it’s her first solo mission, it makes sense. 

But when he finally reaches their––his room, he knows what really happened and breaks down for the first time he can remember, keeping the lights off, just in case. 

Maybe she’s in their bed, asleep. If he keeps the lights off, he can’t know for sure. She could still…

He turns the lights on.

_She’s gone. She’s really gone._

All of the sudden, he feels almost irrationally angry. How dare she? How dare she go off and die without him? They’d promised they would die together, damn it, and it’s not fair for her to leave him behind like this! It’s not kriffing _fair_  that now he has to live alone! 

“You’re kriffing selfish, Jyn Erso!” he snarls, lashing out, tears running hot down his face. His fist connects with the wall, but it doesn’t match the hurt in his chest, so it hits it again. “You’re _selfish_! You _LEFT_ me, _you –– !”_  

Again. 

And again and again, until he’s sliding down the wall, cradling his broken hand to his chest, barely able to suppress his sobs. After a while, he doesn’t bother trying to hide it; no one’s here in his room to here him, not even Jyn. 

And that’s because Jyn’s dead. Killed in action. 

He supposes, with a certain kind of detached emotionlessness, that this is the best possible death for her. It’s what she would have wanted, to die in battle. He hopes it had been quick, that it had been a good death, but he knows the possibilities of that are slim. The Empire is not known for its kindness.

After a while, he falls into a restless sleep, still curled up on the floor because he cannot bear to sleep in the bed the two of them used to share. His back aches when he wakes up, protesting his every movement. At least he’s feeling _something;_ everything else just feels numb. 

For the next couple days, he throws himself into his work. It’s easy to forget about Jyn when he pushes all of his attention into the Alliance. He becomes the man he’d been before he’d met Jyn in a matter of hours –– if not more reckless and more willing to throw himself in the line of fire.

At first, he’d had hope that she would defy the odds and come back to him. But as the weeks pass, he slowly loses that hope. Once he’d truly believed that rebellions are built on hope; he scoffs at it now. Jyn had been the hope the Alliance had needed, and now?

What would they do without her? What would _he_ do without her?

He hates her for leaving him, but he could never hate her fully, not when he loves her so much. 

The nights are the hardest, when there’s nothing to occupy his mind. He keeps himself awake until he collapses from exhaustion, sometimes in unorthodox places. More than once, he’s been shaken awake by a worried Bodhi, and it takes time to brush the other man’s concerns off.

( _”I’m fine,” he says, rubbing his eyes and blearily looking around his surroundings. Kriff. He’s managed to fall asleep in the shuttle he’d been working on. “Really, Bodhi.”_

_“You’re not, though,” Bodhi cuts in, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. The other man looks almost as ragged as Cassian feels, and he imagines that he looks worse. “It’s okay to –– to not be okay. Jyn is –– um. Jyn was my friend too, and it really hurts not having her here anymore.”  
_

_Cassian shakes his head and gets up, ready to leave. “I don’t want to talk about her right now.”_

_“If you ever –– “ Bodhi pauses, throat working oddly. “If you ever need to talk, I’m here.”  
_

_“I won’t,” he says simply, shaking his head. He doesn’t_ need _to talk. He’s fine. “Goodnight, Bodhi.”)  
_

Draven requires him to go to the medbay at least once in the aftermath of Jyn’s death. He does, albeit it unwillingly, but follows Draven’s orders nonetheless. The psychiatrist there recommends that he starts going to grief counseling, or at least considers starting some sort of medication, but he shoots both of those ideas down. Draven had told him to see what the doctor had to say, not do it.  

But when the door to his room opens in the middle of the night and he grabs his blaster off of his nightstand, he nearly drops dead when the lights turn on and he sees who it is, he thinks he should have taken the doctor up on their offer.

Force, he’d though he’d had longer before the hallucinations start.

And then –– 

“Cass –– “ the figure –– that’s all sh––it is, just a figure –– coughs, sounding as if it has dust in its throat. “Cassian? Are you there?” 

“Go ‘way,” he mumbles, already turning back to his bed. Tears prick his eyes, chest constricting. “You’re not real.” 

“It’s me,” she––it––says again, and a hand grabs weakly at his own. He closes his eyes, face wet. He doesn’t even try to hide it. “It’s Jyn –– I’m real. I’m here.”

“No, you’re not.” 

“Cass, would you just –– “ the figure tugs at him more insistently to turn, and he does, and _stars_ , he doesn’t care if this isn’t actually Jyn so long as he gets to hold her in his arms just one more time. 

“Is it really you?” he chokes out, breathing in her scent, nose in her hair. She’s dirty, malnourished, and clearly injured but –– but she’s right here in front of him and he’s holding her and she’s real beneath his hands, so she _can’t_ be a hallucination. He holds his breath, unable to believe it after so many days of mourning. “Jyn?”

“It’s me,” she repeats, sounding close to sobbing herself. “I’m here. I came back to you, Cassian.” 

In that moment, he doesn’t care _how_ she managed to survive, just that she did. And now that he has her in his arms once again, he’ll never let her go again. 


	2. "is it really you?" part two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for [summersrage,](https://archiveofourown.org/users/summersrage/pseuds/summersrage) who asked for a sequel to the first chapter!
> 
> tw: same warnings from the first chapter apply, also includes mentions of torture

It’s when Jyn starts to shake in his arms that Cassian knows he has to let her go to take care of her. As much as he wants to keep holding her in his arms, it’s no longer feasible. She needs some sort of attention, medical or otherwise, and he won’t let his own selfishness keep her from getting that. 

“Hey,” he murmurs, drawing back slightly. “You okay? Are you cold?”

She shakes her head at first, but then shrugs and whispers, voice hoarse, “A little. I’m tired.” 

“Do you want to clean up?” he offers, knowing how much she enjoys taking advantage of the actual shower in their quarters. Hot water might do her some good, and wash the grime off of her. In the dim lighting, he can barely make out her face underneath it. “I’ll wash your hair for you.” 

“Just wanna sleep,” she mumbles, shaking her head again. Blearily, she blinks up at him. “Help me change? I’ve been in these clothes for what feels like _weeks_.” 

Cassian can’t hide his flinch. He’d been hoping that she hadn’t been in Imperial custody, that she’d somehow managed to hole up somewhere until it had been safe enough to leave, but that doesn’t seem like the case here. Losing time is a dangerous indicator of torture. 

Too tired, or merely not caring, Jyn doesn’t comment on it. Instead, she just looks at him expectantly and raises her arms slightly, likely as high as they can go right now.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he reaches for the hem of her shirt and pulls it up gently over her head, then reaches around her to unclasp her breastband. His hand brushes against something rough, and she winces, but before he can apologize, she’s dancing away from him, taking a step back. 

( _if he’d been in a better mindset, one not so fraught with worry, he’d recognize that she doesn’t want him to see, that she’s hiding something._ )

The body beneath it is the same Jyn he remembers –– but there’s so many differences. New scars, ribs poking out beneath her thin skin, a bruise stretching from her waist to breast –– 

And then she turns to grab another set of clothing, and he sees her back. 

Between each vertebrae, there’s circular scar, red and heavily inflamed. He can see how it pains her in every movement she makes, and he can’t hide the croak that rips its way out of his throat.  _“Jyn!”_  

She turns back to face him, using a shirt to cover up her breasts, to hide herself from him. She’s taken his anguish for disgust, his anger at the Empire for not wanting to see her anymore. 

And that’s just so far from the case that all the breath leaves him in one heavy exhale, and he immediately takes a step forward. 

Despite her hesitance, the fear in her eyes, she doesn’t back away. She stands tall, chin up high. Even though she’s gone through endless hours of torture, her posture screams  _“I’m not broken!”_

He loves her. Stars, he _loves_ her. 

“You don’t have to hide from me,” he rasps, reaching an arm out. His eyes are pleading. “Please, Jyn. Don’t –– don’t feel like you _ever_ have to hide from me.” 

She nods, slowly. Removes the shirt from her chest, slips out of her pants, stands in front of her, completely bare. 

“Come here,” he says, reaching out. “Can I touch you?” 

She nods, still not speaking, jaw clenched. As soon as she gives her permission, he’s at her side, holding her gently. His hands smooth lines across her back, careful not to touch any of the marks on her skin. “I love you,” he whispers into her hair, over and over again. “I love you, I love you, _I love you_.” 

Jyn doesn’t cry –– he can’t remember the last time he’s seen her cry –– but her shoulders shake and she sniffles, tucking her face completely in his shirt. 

“Shhh. . .shh. . .you’re okay. You’re okay. I love you, I’m here. . .” 

After a good amount of time, Jyn steps back, wiping her nose with the back of her wrist and laughing awkwardly. He knows it’s hard for her to be vulnerable, even around him, so he lets her take the time and space she needs to regain a sense of control. 

“Sorry,” she mumbles, but before he can tell her she has nothing to apologize for, she adds, “Can you help me get into some new clothes?” 

He hands her a pair of underwear, which she insists she can put on by herself, then slides one of his oversized sweaters over her head, taking care when tucking her arms into the sleeves. As soon as she has clothes on again, she’s back in his arms, and he leads her gently to the bed. 

“Jyn, have you gone to medical?” he asks gently, as she curls up under the covers. He knows she hasn’t, knows that she hates it, but she needs the treatment. 

“I’ll go in the morning,” she mumbles, face pressed against the pillow, one arm reaching for him. “C’mere.” 

Maybe it’s because he’s selfish, but he doesn’t press the issue any farther. Jyn needs him right now, and any bacta treatment can wait until the morning. 

And _stars_ , does it feel good to hold her again after so many nights of being alone. While he stays awake for most of the night, watching her sleep in disbelief and checking to make sure she's still breathing –– when he wakes up in the morning, he can't remember the last time he's felt so rested. 


	3. “why can’t they see that they’re meant for each other?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for anonymous on tumblr, who asked "“Why can’t they see that they’re meant for each other?” For rebelcaptain."

“Why don’t I just throw in _a thousand_ more credits, huh? Will _that_ do it for you then, laser brain?” 

“I already told you, your Worship! I ain’t here for the money and I ain’t leavin’, neither! So would quit flappin’ your mouth and let me get back to work?” 

“ _’Flapping my mouth?’_ Oh, I’ve had a enough of that bantha-shit, you no good, scruffy-looking nerfherder?” 

“Hey! _Scruffy-looking?_ Irecall you rather _liking_ this ‘scruffy-looking’ nerfherder on the trip to Bespin, princess!” 

_“Oh, why I oughta –– “_

The sound of Leia and Han’s argument disappears as the pair turns the corner. Tucked in an alcove and pressed up very tightly against each other, Jyn and Cassian smother their laughter in each other’s clothes. 

“They didn’t even notice us!” she gasps, slapping a hand over her mouth in an attempt to stop her giggling. “Force, and you were so worried Draven would catch us making out!” 

The tips of Cassian’s ears turn bright red at the mention of the general, but Jyn can see mirth plastered all over his face as well. “With fights like that,” he murmurs into her ear, sending chills down her spine, “why can’t they just see that they’re meant for each other and fuck all that tension out?” 

“Why, Captain,” she says in mock-horror, watching as his pupils dilate, and then shuddering when his teeth brush her pulse point. “You’ve got _quite_ the mouth on you!” 

A few seconds pass, both of them frozen, before she can’t help herself and starts laughing once again.

“Way to ruin the moment, sergeant,” Cassian groans, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. Despite his words, his lips quirk up in a half-grin. “You were the one who wanted to, and I quote,  _‘sneak a quickie in before the next meeting.’_ ”

“Oh, don’t act like you didn’t want to!” 

He tilts his head in acknowledgement, shifting so his leg is between the both of hers, pushing her farther back against the wall. Stars, if Hoth wasn’t so damn cold, she would have jumped him here and now, possible consequences be damned. “I did. I _do_.” 

“And the way you kept looking at me during that meeting!” she continues, wanting to get all of her “grievances” out in the air. “Did you really have to keep licking your lips like that?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he all but purrs, licking his lips once again. “They were dry.” 

Jyn groans, rolling her eyes, but it ends in a sharp intake of breath when Cassian angles his thigh _just so –– !_

_Fuck._ They’re going to need more than five minutes. 

“I’ll name something else that’ll be dry if you don’t get to work, Cassian,” she grouches. 

The look in his eyes tells her that he’s more than happy to obey, but he holds out, just to bother her. His fingers are working circles over her ribs, slowly sliding down and down and… “Anything else?” 

She’s breathless when she answers, “I’m sure I’ll be able to think of a few things.” 


	4. "you look sad when you think he can't see you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for anonymous on tumblr: "Rebelcaptain: You look sad when you think he can’t see you (from Sherlock). If you're still accepting RC prompts"
> 
> we got some good ol' bodhi loving in this chapter!

“You look sad when –– when you think he can’t see you.” 

Jyn looks up, startled. She’s been so engrossed in cleaning her blaster that she hasn’t even noticed Bodhi sitting down next to her. She blinks once, twice, not even having heard what he’d said. “Huh?” 

He jerks his chin over at Cassian, who’s talking to Leia about some sort of Alliance-related business. 

She scoffs, shaking her head. As if that extremely vague gesture explains _anything_. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Stop it,” he replies, bumping her shoulder with his own. Despite his words, there’s a small grin tugging at his lips. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.” 

“If you think I’m sad, then you’re wrong. I’m having the time of my kriffing life here.” 

Bodhi ignores her snark, which he usually does these days. He’s come a long way from the scared, Imperial pilot fresh out of the Bor Gullet’s lair, and she couldn’t be more proud of him. She’s glad he’d stuck around; so far, the rebellion has proved to be good for him. 

Her, on the other hand? She’s surrounded by more people than she’s ever been in her life, and yet she can’t remember a time in which she’s felt so damn _lonely._

It may or may not have to do with a certain Captain, who, despite Jyn’s heavy gaze, doesn’t seem to notice her staring. (Or –– really anything she does these days.)

Bodhi nudges her once more. His feet hover, not touching the ground, and he swings them slightly in the air. He looks innocent –– he looks _happy._  Force, she knows she doesn’t look like that; the face she sees in the mirror every morning is far from happy. “See? You’re doing it again. Looking at him and being –– being sad.” 

“I’m not being sad,” she snaps. 

He looks at her, face so open and sympathetic that she breaks in seconds. 

“Fine! Fine, _okay!”_

“See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” he says, as if his words aren’t a bald-faced lie. Pulling emotions out of Jyn is comparable to yanking teeth. “What’s going on between you two?” 

Bodhi doesn’t like when any of their little ragtag group is upset with each other, so she’s quick to reassure him. “We’re not fighting or anything.” 

“Then why are you sad?” 

Excuses bubble up in her throat, mouth opening to deny his statement, but she can’t. She _is_ sad, and yeah, the reason for it _is_ Cassian. Leave it to Bodhi to get this information out of her; there’s no one else who can manage to slip through her walls and make her spill feelings she hadn’t even known she’d felt. 

“After Scarif, we were close,” she sighs. “Like –– really close.” 

“Attached at the hip,” Bodhi supplies, and she nods. 

She continues. “But after that last mission on Sullust, it’s like…I don’t know. That I don’t exist in his eyes anymore. He won’t –– he barely looks at me anymore, Bodhi. I don’t know what I did wrong.” 

Her voice cracks when she adds (and oh, how she hates that), “I _miss_ him.”

“Oh, _Jyn,_ ” he murmurs. “Can I –– can I touch you?” He holds out his arm, presumably to wrap it around her shoulders. She’s grateful that he asked, grateful that he noticed her aversion to being touched.

She wipes at her face, not even knowing she’s been tearing up for the past couple minutes, then tries to laugh it off. “Sure, yeah.” She’s feeling selfish, craving the comfort that only physical touch can bring. “Yeah, go ahead.” 

When he reaches around her and tugs her closer to him, she leans against his chest, closing her eyes. His hand, never staying still for too long, begins to run his fingers through her hair. Jyn slowly feels herself calming down. 

She’s an only child, had grown up on her own with only her parents and a droid for company. She’s never really even had a family before Rogue One, if she could even call them that. But Bodhi’s always felt like a brother to her, and she finds comfort in his presence. 

It’s almost scary, how much she cares for him. For all of them. It’s something she hasn’t run into before, having never gotten close enough to anyone for her to start worrying about their safety. 

If anything ever were to happen to any of them, she knows she’ll never be the same.

“He asked me,” he says suddenly. “Cassian. He asked me to talk to you.” 

Jyn picks her head up, looking at his face, trying to figure out –– _something_ in his expression. “About what?” she asks warily, even though she thinks she already knows. 

“About you,” he replies, as if that’s obvious (because it is). “He’s –– he’s a spy, Jyn. He notices how you look at him and…and _brood_.” 

“I don’t  _‘brood,_ ’” she interrupts, frowning, but he waves her off as if to say _semantics_.

“He’s worried about you. I am, too. That’s why I agreed to talk to you,” he tells her, tugging her gently back into his embrace. “It’s, um. The Alliance –– it’s hard for you. And that’s –– that’s okay. It doesn’t have to be easy. We’re all trying to give you some space, so you can find your place here. That’s why Cassian’s been staying away –– um, he said he didn’t want you to feel pressured by him or anything.” 

As if she hadn’t joined up for _him_. When he’d told her “welcome home,” she knew in that moment that she’d do anything for him, would follow him anywhere –– even to the _Alliance_.

“And after what happened on Sullust, you’ve been…” he struggles to find the correct words, and she lets him take the time he needs to do so, all the while cursing Saw in her head for what he did to him. “You’ve been distant. Withdrawn. We thought –– he thought –– that you needed time away from us to think. To decide.” 

“Decide what?” 

“If you’re were going to stay, or if you were, um, going to leave. He didn’t want to crowd you or…or make you stay if you didn’t want to.” 

“I don’t…” she sighs, scrubbing at her face. “I don’t fit in here,” she settles on, finally. “I never will, either. I’m not like the rest of you, I’m just –– “ she shrugs, self-depreciatingly. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m too broken.” 

“You’re not broken,” Bodhi says, exploding with a fierceness she hadn’t expected. She has to fight the tears that begin to form in her eyes –– when’s the last time someone’s cared enough to tell her that? “You’re _not_ , Jyn.”

Still, it’s hard to believe him after years of conditioning herself to this fact. “Thanks, Bodhi,” she mutters. 

He hops off the shuttle they’re sitting on, propping his hands on his hip. This conversation over, it seems. “Come on,” he urges. “We’re going to talk to Cassian and fix this mess. Neither of you are talking to each other because –– because you each think the other doesn’t want to talk.” 

Jyn groans, letting her head fall back against the durasteel of the shuttle. “I don’t want to,” she whines, because she knows she’ll have to admit she’s been in the wrong. Her pride really can’t afford to take anymore hits, not these days. 

Bodhi raises an eyebrow. “You’ll feel better once you do,” he soothes, reaching out to tug her down. She lets him pull her to the ground, reluctantly following him (though dragging her feet) in the direction of Cassian. “And the sooner you make up, the sooner you can start –– start making _out_.” 

It takes her awhile to process what he’s just said.

“I don’t want to –– wait, _what?_ ” 

He laughs, tugging her forward. “You heard me, Erso. Let’s go get your man back.” 

 _“He’s not my man!”_  

(He definitely is.)


	5. painkillers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for [inthebeginningtherewasM](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inthebeginningtherewasM/pseuds/inthebeginningtherewasM), who asked for on the last chapter: "Also, I'm kind of partial to the "One of us is filled up with painkillers after an injury and says embarrassing stuff and I should go because you'll be mortified when you wake up but I also want to hear what you say"-prompt. If you still take prompts?"
> 
> can be read as a sequel to the last chapter, but that one doesn't need to be read before this one.

_“Jyn!” Bodhi hollers over her comm, sounding panicked. She’s immediately alert, ducking into an alleyway to focus on his voice. “You need to come back to the ship. Now!”_

_“Can’t it wait?” she grunts, looking behind her to make sure she hasn’t been followed. “I haven’t reached the drop point yet, but I’m almost there –– “  
_

_“It’s Cassian,” Bodhi cuts her off. Those two words pull all of the air out of her lungs, and she sags against the wall. “He’s hurt. It’s –– it’s bad, Jyn. I don’t know if –– “  
_

_“I’m on my way,” she interrupts, because she doesn’t want to hear anymore, already setting off on a run in the other direction, legs pumping, breath coming hard and heavy. “Please –– please keep him alive.”  
_

_He’s silent for too long. She’s just about to com him again when he says, not at all reassuringly, “I’ll do my best.”_

_She sprints faster._

“Jyn, c’mere,” Cassian flaps his hand from where he’s laying on the bed, a blissed out smile on his smile on his face. His head rolls to the side, blinking at her. She knows that if he weren’t so drugged out, there’s no way in hell he’d still be laying down right now.  _“Jynnnnnnn!”_

She’s never seen him in this state; after Scarif, her own injuries had been so bad that she hadn’t woken up until a day or two before he had. While she’s seen him injured before, has seen him coming back from solo missions with his body broken and bleeding out, it’s never been so bad where he’s needed both time in a bacta tank and heavy painkillers just to be comfortable. 

It scares her, scares her so kriffing bad. She almost _lost_ him. He almost kriffing _died_ and she ––

“Jyn!” he slurs again, words more urgent this time. “You gotta. . .gotta come over here!” 

At least the medics had released into her care. . .though they’d only done so when Cassian had kept trying to “sneak out” to follow her. As soon as they deemed him stable enough, she’d been allowed to take him back to their quarters with strict instructions to let him rest and sleep the painkillers off. 

She chuckles despite herself. “You have to sleep, Cass,” she says gently, reaching over from where she’s curled at the foot of the bed and rubbing his leg. “Doctor’s orders.” 

“Mhmmm,” he agrees (or, at least, she thinks that’s what he means), reaching for her. Setting down her datapad on the nearby desk, she lets him do so, mostly so he won’t hurt himself attempting to get up. “I gotta tell you a. . .uh, a _secret_.” 

“Oh?” she asks, amused, indulging him. Carefully, she lays down next to him, avoiding the wound on his side. “What kind of secret?” 

“Come closer,” he murmurs, squeezing her hand weakly. “It’s a secret, Jyn. Gotta be quiet.” 

“Mhmm, all right,” she agrees good-naturedly, shifting towards him. She’s expecting a whisper of something nonsensical in her ear, but what she gets instead is a wet kiss planted right on the side of her face. 

“Cassi!” she shrieks, laughing, wiping the spit off of her cheek with the back of her wrist. “I thought you had a secret to tell me!” 

He lays back, a satisfied smirk on his face. “That was my secret. It’s that I love you.” 

Her heart swells, momentarily forgetting the fear that’s been churning in her gut. “You’re sweet,” she murmurs, reaching over to comb her fingers through his hair. He closes his eyes, humming happily. “Thank you. I love you, too.” 

“I wanted to make you laugh,” he mumbles, free hand reaching for her, clenching around hers with what she suspects is all the strength he has left.  “You’ve been so sad lately.” 

The conversation she had with Bodhi a couple weeks ago replays in her mind. She closes her eyes, takes a shuttering breath. She’d explained what’s going on to Cassian, allowing the two of them to make-up –– and then they quickly became something _more_. 

“I’m not sad,” she says softly, because it’s true. It’s foolish to place her happiness in the hands of one man, she knows, but she can’t help it. “Don’t worry about me.” 

He makes her happy, and if she ever lost him –– like she almost had on this past mission –– she’ll never be the same. She’ll _break._

“You are sad. You think that I don’t notice, but I do. I don’t want you to be sad, Jyn.” 

She cups his cheek, turning his face so he has to look at her. “I’m not sad, Cassian. It’s just. . .it’s hard sometimes. The war, being here. . .I. . .” she shakes her head, forcing herself to smile. “But I’m not sad.” 

He studies her face with an intensity she hadn’t know he was capable of with the amount of drugs he’s currently on. After a beat, he sighs, clearly not believing her. “Okay.” 

“You should get some sleep,” she repeats, stroking his face. “You’ll feel better in the morning.” 

As he closes her eyes, she takes the time to watch him, noticing how the stress and the pain that usually wrinkles his face disappears. Her hand brushes over his pulse, making sure that he’s still breathing, remembering how he had flatlined on the way back.

It had taken her almost an hour to wash his blood off of her hands. She’d been shaking so badly that she could barely she what she’d been doing, with tears in her eyes obscuring her vision and breath coming fast, making her dizzy. 

_She almost lost him._

Into the silence, he speaks again, voice small and child-like. It breaks her heart almost completely. “You’re not going to. . .are you going to leave me, Jyn?”  

“Never, Cassian,” she’s quick to reassure. If she’s sure of one thing, it’s that she’s going to stay by his side for as long as he’ll has her. “I’m with you, remember?” 

“Even though it’s hard for you, being here?” _With me_  goes unsaid, but she hears it anyway. 

“I’m not leaving you, Cass,” she says firmly, leaning over to press a gentle kiss to his cheek. “Get some sleep, okay? I’ll be here in the morning.” 

She makes sure that she is, even when Draven comms her and tells her she’s late for a meeting. She shoots back a response that’s something along the lines of  _“kriff off, I’m not leaving him”_ and shuts it off.

She’ll deal with the consequences later, she muses silently, curling up at Cassian’s side once again, smiling when he hums contentedly and reaches for her. He needs her now. 


	6. "look out!" (far cry 5 au)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [TinCanTelephone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinCanTelephone/pseuds/TinCanTelephone) asked: "oooooh rebelcaptain prompt: "Look out!""
> 
> so i’ve been playing a lot of far cry 5 recently, so i decided to write this in a far cry au. basically, cassian is the deputy tasked with removing killer cultists from a town in montana and jyn is someone he rescued and now travels with him and helps him out

Cassian has been working with Jyn long enough to know when she’s about to do something stupid. Ever since he sprung her from Jacob Seed’s facility, the two of them have been practically attached to the hip. He doesn’t even bother asking her to come with her on these missions anymore; the last time he’d tried to leave her behind, she’d tracked him for miles and threw a can at his head for going without her. 

( _”I cannot believe you!” she’d seethed, hurling another empty can in his direction. He ducked again, wondering how the hell she had so many of them and where she’s keeping them. “You didn’t even tell me you were leaving!”_

_Cassian panted, straightening slightly after a couple seconds of no cans coming in his direction. “I didn’t think you cared,” he’d admitted. “I’m just scouting out the territory. I’ll be back before nightfall.”_

_She scowled, and for some reason, he’d gotten the feeling that he’d somehow upset her. “Of course I care,” she retorted. “You’re the only thing holding the Resistance together, Deputy. Can’t let you get yourself killed by cultists, now can I?”_

_There was a beat of silence before Jyn opened her mouth again, clearly wanting to say something else on the matter. Instead, she’d closed it, then opened it again to say, “Come on. I’m coming with you.”_

_His heart had sunk at her answer, though he hadn’t been able to pinpoint why.)_

Because they’ve been traveling together for so long,he’s gotten a good understanding of how she acts, of her mannerisms. So when she tenses, muscles coiling to jump –– 

_“Look out!”_

Quick as a whip, his hand reaches out and fists into her shirt collar, hauling her back down behind the safety of the barricade he’s crouching behind. Seconds later, a cultist stalks past, hand on her rifle and eyes searching for rebels like them.

“I saw her!” she hisses, but her eyes are so wide he can see the whites of them around her irises. “There’s hostages in there, Dep –– we can’t just leave ‘em!” 

He exhales sharply, loosening his hold on her but not removing his hand completely from her shirt, still slightly worried that she’s going to vault back into the compound. They’re a far enough distance away where he can speak without having to worry about anyone overhearing, but he still tries to keep his voice down. God knows those damn cultists have cameras everywhere. 

“I _know_ that,” he says sharply. “And we’re not going to leave them behind.” 

She gives him a look, narrowing her brows. The sun hits her face _just so,_ makingher bright green eyes practically _glow_ , and –– _oh shit she’s talking gotta pay attention fuck!_

“Look,” she shoves the pair of binoculars in his hands. “There’s not that many of them. We can take ‘em, _easy._ ” 

He doesn’t bother with the binoculars, knowing what she says is right. Still, he’s not going to charge in there, guns blazing, and he won’t let her do that either. “As soon as they hear gunfire, they’ll target the hostages. You _know_ this, Jyn. We have to go in quiet.” 

She blows out a breath through her nose, clearly irritated with him.  “I’ll get in front of them,” she fires back. “Then I’ll be the target and you can free them.” 

“Jyn,” he says firmly, only just realizing his hand is still holding onto her. He drops it quickly, letting it fall to his side. “ _No_. We’re not doing that.” _I’m not risking you like that._  “If you don’t like it, then leave.” 

The words slip out of his mouth before he can take them back, and he watches in horror as Jyn’s face hardens. _Fuck._ Once again, he reaches out for her, but she flinches away. 

“Is that what you want?” she asks, face completely blank. 

“ _No, no,_ Jyn, of course not,” he rushes in to say, holding his hands up. “I didn’t mean –– I just don’t want you rushing in there and getting yourself killed. That’s all. I don’t want you to leave –– unless you want to, of course, then you can leave, but I…” 

Fucking hell, he’s babbling. Why is he like this around her? Why does he keep acting like some sort of lovesick idiot?

She watches him, examining his face for any signs that he’s lying. After way too long, she slouches down against the barricade, knees up against her chest, then rests her chin on top of them. 

She looks –– she looks  _defeated_.

His heart sinks. Is this because of him? Wringing his hands in his lap, he asks hesitantly, “Are you all right?” 

“Perfectly fuckin’ peachy, Dep,” she replies, speech muffled by the fabric of her jeans. 

“You know you can call me Cassian, right? You don’t have to call me that.” 

She sighs heavily. “No can do, _Deputy_.” 

Though he tries not to be frustrated with her on this, he can’t help it. She’s being stubborn for seemingly no reason. The hell’s her problem? “ _Really_ , Jyn?” 

“Yes, _really_!” Jyn explodes, and finally –– _finally!_ –– there’s a hint of _something_ in her voice that tells him she’s not completely without hope, that she’s not beaten down and broken. “I’m trying to get over you, you fucking asshole! How am I supposed to do that when you keep being like –– “ she flaps her hand in his direction, eyes blazing but clearly lost for words, “like _this!_ ” 

His mouth drops. He’s shocked, completely and utterly speechless. “Jyn, I –– “ 

“Don’t, Deputy,” she tells him, shaking her head. “I don’t want to hear it. I get it. I fucking get it, and I’ve made my peace with it a long time ago.” 

He’s been with her long enough to know that she’s lying.

He sighs, running his hands through his hair. Adrenaline rushes through his veins, and his heart is beating so fast that he thinks he’s going to pass out. “You really want to do this now? With those cultists literally twenty feet away?” 

A pause. Her brow furrows, mouth opens slightly in confusion, and God, she looks so damn perfect right now. “Do _what_?” 

He leans forward and kisses her.

It’s not a good kiss –– far from it, especially in their current situation –– and when she doesn’t reciprocate after a few seconds, he leans away, poised to apologize, but then she cups his face between her dirty hands and presses her mouth harder to his. 

“We should, um,” he says, once they break for air, neither moving away from each other. At this point, Jyn’s nearly in his lap. “We should –– go rescue those hostages.” 

“Mhmm,” she agrees, leaning back. A disappointed shadow passes over her face. “More kissing after, though?” 

“Definitely,” he grins, pushing up from the ground and holding a hand up to haul her up as well. “Let’s do this.” 

She smiles brilliantly, and he thinks he’s in love with her. “Lead the way, Cassian.” 


	7. "i get the feeling."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anonymous on Tumblr: "Music prompt for rebelcaptain Feelin' or There She Goes (both by The La's)" 
> 
> I based this off of Feelin'! don't know if i'll continue it, so i do apologize for the cliffhanger a;kegjlhzekthe

Oh, but how Jyn’s forgotten how the vodka makes her miss him. 

There’s a nearly empty bottle to her left, within reaching distance if she decides she wants another sip. Alcohol burns warmly in her stomach, making her fingertips tingle and causing her mind to buzz pleasantly. It’s the best she’s felt in weeks. 

The best she’s felt ever since she left him, since she broke up with Cassian. 

_Well_ –– it had been a team effort. She really can’t take all the blame here, not after how shitty he’d made her feel. 

_“Then leave, Jyn! Go do what you’re best at, and fucking leave!”_

God, she needs another drink. She’s still remembering; her mind isn’t nearly as fuzzy as she’d like it. 

She hums to herself, lying on the floor and staring up at the ceiling. Her favorite symphony plays in the background  –– Tchaikovsky’s 5th –– and the haunting sound of the solo clarinet in the beginning of the first movement fills her apartment. Her singing is out of tune and too slow, and as the music builds into a crescendo, tears fill her eyes. 

She reaches for the bottle blindly, but her hand finds her phone instead –– and as if someone other than herself were controlling her movements, her fingers dial Cassian’s number and raise her phone to her ear. 

The shrill ringing clashes with the orchestra in the background, but she makes no move to hang-up the phone, not even when it goes to voicemail and she’s asked to leave a message. 

_Beep._

“Hey, Cass’n,” she says, staring up at the ceiling. There’s a spot of mold up there, she notices absently, but that isn’t surprising. Her apartment isn’t nearly as nice as Cassian’s. 

“It’s Jyn. Don’t know if you deleted my name from your contacts…don’t know why I didn’t delete yours. Pro’bly ‘cause I thought I could make things better, even though I’m shit at it.” 

Then she closes her eyes because she’s tired, not because there’s tears in them. 

“Y’know…we had it good, Cass, ‘fore I fucked it all up. Some of the things I said…they weren’t –– “ she blows out a heavy breath. “’m’drunk. Words aren’t workin’ right. But for what it’s worth, ‘m’sorry. Shouldn’t have said those things.” 

_“You don’t get it! You don’t fucking get it! Get away from me, I can’t –– “_

The second movement of the symphony starts. The horn solo fills her apartment, mournful and sad. Her heart clenches, and she has to shove her hand in her mouth to stop a sob, shoulders shaking. Her teeth dig into the skin of her fist, and she tries to stifle the noise. 

“I don’t –– don’t know why I called you,” she cries, curling up on her side. Her foot accidentally kicks the empty vodka bottle, sending it rolling across the hardwood floor. “’m’sorry –– jus’…ignore this. Delete this message. I…” 

Her hands shake as she hangs-up on him. She tosses her phone down, curls up again and buries her face in the crook of her elbow. 

She misses him. God, she misses _Cassian._

The symphony swells in the background, music accompanying her choking sobs. She’s only this emotional because of the alcohol, but these feelings have been pent up inside of her for weeks, ever since she left. It feels as if a weight is being lifted off of her shoulders, despite the crippling sadness that’s taken over her. 

Another sound invades her mind. Vibrations. Blearily, she lifts her head up and looks around. Her phone lights up, signaling an incoming call. 

When she sees his name on the caller ID –– when she sees _Cassian’s_ name –– she almost wonders if the vodka is making her hallucination. She lets it ring for a few seconds, and then, before her nerves get the best of her –– 

Jyn picks up the phone. 

“Cass?”  


	8. firefighter!jyn, cop!cassian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous on tumblr asked: "Rebelcaptain firefighter!jyn cop!cassian"

“Hey, Cassian!” 

His head shoots up, turning in the other direction. A few feet away from the charred house stands Jyn Erso with her hands on her hips. Her heavy coat has been unzipped halfway and is tied off around her waist. Though it’s covered in soot and grime, he can just barely make out the thin, white tank-top that she’s wearing…and all of the pale, scarred, _beautiful_ skin it shows. 

_Eyes up, detective._

“It’s Captain Andor to you, Erso,” he calls out, a smirk pulling at his lips. They call him a robot back at base, say he never smiles –– they just haven’t seen him around the right people. 

Or person. Just one, singular person who’s standing right in front of him, one he may or may not have a massive crush on. 

She waves a hand, brushing him off carelessly. “Oh, shove it. We’ve worked enough cases together to be on a first-name basis, _Cass.”_

With her so close to him, his eyes rove over her skin, making sure she doesn’t have any fresh burns. Jyn, he knows, has a penchant for leaving injuries untreated and avoiding doctors until it’s almost too late. 

_(A few examples of this come to mind, most notably the first arson they worked on together. He hadn’t known Jyn well back then, only that she’d helped him catch the bastard who’d done it better than any detective in his precinct._

_Then, a day or so later he’d heard she’d ended up in the hospital with an infected burn, claiming that she’d been so busy with the case that she hadn’t bothered to take proper care of herself._

_He had felt so guilty that he’d bought her nearly the entire gift shop, though it had been worth it seeing her face when he’d barged into her room with an armful of stuffed animals.)_

Thankfully, this time he doesn’t find any. When he’s done with his impromptu examination, he glances up, realizing she’s still speaking. “Y’know, I was talking to Bodhi the other day about this. You’ve been at every fire I’ve been called in to for the past two weeks –– it’s almost like you’re following me, Captain.” 

_Mierda._

“I’ve been working a lot lately,” he brushes it off, acting as if he has no idea what she’s talking about. “Trying to make overtime. I need the extra money.” 

She nods, eyes glinting with recognition. He suspects she’s had to do the same thing multiple times before. “Respect, Andor.” 

It’s not exactly a lie –– lately, it feels as if he lives at the precinct –– but it’s not the whole truth anyway. Embarrassment creeps up his cheeks, turning them red, so he changes the subject as smoothly as possible. “So –– the fire. What happened?” 

Jyn raises an eyebrow, but goes along with the new line of conversation despite the abruptness. “Don’t think it was arson. If it was, it was probably some idiot teenagers who accidentally set the whole place up in flames.” 

He flips open his notebook, nodding. “Accidental?” 

“You’ll have to ask the family over there,” she replies, jerking her thumb behind her where they’re standing in front of the ambulances, wrapped in fire blankets. From his position, he can see the shock beginning to set it. “They called it in about a half-hour ago.” 

She fishes around in her pocket for a second, then holds out a lighter. It’s beat-up and silver, with engravings on the back. _J.S._ He takes it from her and hands it to his partner, who slips it into a clear plastic bag as evidence. 

“That’s what I’m thinking started the fire. One of them –– probably the older guy, if I had to guess –– wanted a smoke and accidentally started a fire. ‘Course, you’ll have to ask to make sure, but –– “ she shrugs, turning away slightly to look at the remains of the building. “That’s my piece.” 

“Thank you, Jyn,” he says sincerely, slipping his notepad back in his pocket. “As always, I appreciate the help.” 

She looks uncomfortable with his praise, raising her hand and scratching the back of her neck awkwardly. “It’s not much to go off of,” she mutters. “Sorry I couldn’t get any more. Like I said, you’re going to have to talk to the family.” 

This is his least favorite part of working with Jyn. The stilted goodbyes as they both leave to continue with their jobs. He still has work to do, and so does she –– even if neither feel particularly inclined to go and do them.

“Well, I –– I guess I’ll see you at the next fire, Cassian,” she remarks, turning away. “I gotta get some sleep. I’ve been up for almost thirty hours now.” 

_They say all you need is fifteen seconds of confidence._

“Wait –– “ he reaches out, snags her wrist and tugs her gently off to the side so his partner can’t hear their conversation. “Listen. Let’s not wait that long. I want  to see before then.” 

“I mean, with the amount of fires in this town, you’ll probably see me tomorrow.” 

“Jyn –– “ 

“I know, I know,” she smiles, the corners of her eyes crinkling up with mirth. “Are you suggesting dinner?” 

“Yeah. If –– if you’re up for it.” He pauses, then adds quickly, “Not today, or anything. I know you’re tired; you need to sleep.” 

He’s still holding her hand, he notices, and she isn’t pulling away. “Yeah. I’d like that. I’ll see you around then, _Andor_.” 

“What happened to being on a first-name basis?” 

“Take me out on a date first!” she hollers, walking backwards and gesturing wildly. “We’re not there yet, Captain!”   

When he walks over to speak to the family, he struggles to hide the smile on his face. This is a crime scene, after all, and they just lost their home –– _but_ he finally asked Jyn Erso to dinner. He thinks a little bit of happiness in this situation is understandable, even if no one else thinks so. 

_Well_ –– he suspects one person feels the same, judging on how bright her face is right now. 


	9. holding hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [literatiruinedme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/literatiruinedme/pseuds/literatiruinedme) asked for: "First time holding hands for rebelcaptain???"

The first time their hands touch is on Jedha. Cassian’s hauling her forward away from Chirrut, gripping her arm and dragging her away. They have a partisan to meet –– no time for conversation. 

The touch is brief; his hand slides down to hers for a few seconds as he pulls her along, but it sends butterflies through her stomach regardless. It’s stupid, because she _hates_ him, but she supposes he could be worse and the situation they’re in makes anyone the worst version of themselves, herself included. Besides, he isn’t completely an asshole –– he’d given her his blaster, yeah? That means something.

Then he lets go of her hand and they end up in a firefight and she doesn’t dwell on it because they’re all going to die soon anyway. 

But then they don’t. They _live_. 

And now she has to deal with the feelings she’d shoved aside on Jedha. 

The first time they _actually_ hold hands is not because they want to; it’s for a mission. He’s Joreth Sward and she’s his pretty, Imperial wife Nari Sward, and they have to spend an evening at a “charity” ball before being able to sneak off to hide the explosives underneath mansion. 

It’s all fake –– the affectionate glances he sends in her direction, the way he squeezes her hand gently, reassuringly, as they enter the building. She doesn’t think too much into it when she catches him looking when he thinks she isn’t, or when he pulls her a little too closely into his side (in that case, she most certainly _doesn’t_ think of how well the two of them fit together, almost as if they were –– ).

She doesn’t think about any of that, because it doesn’t matter. Nothing is going to happen between the two of them; her infatuation with Cassian is something that’s going to blow over, just like all of her other hopeless crushes throughout the years.

The two of them? Their relationship is purely professional. 

Until it isn’t. 

As the weeks go past, her and Cassian become something more than mission partners. They sleep in the same bed, see and fuck (”make love,” as he calls it) each other exclusively, and there’s no one else she would rather be around. It’s not –– she hasn’t told him she loves him yet (even though she does), but they’re not…it’s not…

It really doesn’t have a definition, their relationship, but it doesn’t need to. She’s happy, Cass seems happy, and stars above, she really likes being _with_ him. Nothing needs to change if it doesn’t have to. 

The first time they hold hands for no reason other than they want to is because Jyn rather aggressively (as is her nature) tells him that she wants to. 

“Take off your glove,” she says, already tearing hers off with her teeth. They’re sitting in an empty meeting room, pouring over the datapads for an upcoming mission. It’s the perfect time to do this, since neither of them are big on public displays. 

Cassian looks up, blinking owlishly. “What? Why?” 

“So I can hold your hand.” 

Another blink. 

She pauses, reassesses her words and tries again. “I want to hold your hand,” she mutters. “And I don’t want our gloves to get in the way because I want to touch you.” 

He knows how hard it is for her to express what she wants like this, after years of repressing all of that, so he only teases her a little. “You do realize we’re wearing gloves because it’s cold, right?” he asks dryly, but he’s taking it off anyway and slipping his hand into her own. “We’ll have to put them back on in a few minutes.” 

Jyn hums contentedly, not really listening to what he’s saying. Their hands are linked underneath the table, and this small act of intimacy makes her feel more connected to him. All hopes of getting anything done are squandered when he starts rubbing his thumb absently across her skin.

“That’s okay.” 

She’ll risk a little frostbite over something like this. In her eyes, it’s worth it.


	10. “are you serious? do you have to do this now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from anonymous on tumblr: "Are you accepting prompts? can i also submit: “Are you serious? Do you have to do this now?” for Rebelcaptain."
> 
> potc-style wedding!

“Get down!” 

At Cassian’s warning, she doesn’t even hesitate, diving down as a volley of blaster bolts go over her head. Her heart pounds, adrenaline rushing through her veins as her body struggles to come down from almost dying. 

“You okay?” he calls out, voice slightly panicked. “Jyn?” 

“I’m fine!” 

And she is –– at least, right now. The two of them had gotten separated from the rest of their squad, and were slowly getting backed into a corner. It wouldn’t be long before reinforcements came. It’s a waiting game now; who’s going to get to them first? Their team or the Empire?

While they’ve managed to get themselves out of worse situations in the past, being faced with the possibility of death always brings out some of her worst plans. 

This situation is not an exception –– but it’s not an idea of how to get them out of it. 

Jyn has had a lot of bad ideas in the past –– that, she’ll agreed with. Sometimes  ‘troopers should be shot with a blaster instead of tackled, and sometimes accusing Bodhi of cheating at sabacc shouldn’t be done when you have extra cards up your sleeve. 

But this idea is, in _her_ opinion, far from a bad. She just wishes one person in particular would agree with her. 

“Are you _serious_?” Cassian asks incredulously, ducking behind a barricade and  pulling her down with him. Gunfire echoes in the distance. “Do we have to do this now? Are you really asking me that _now_?” 

“I don’t see why not!” she argues, glancing over the chunk of concrete they’re hiding behind. As of right now, there’s no ‘troopers in their immediate area, but the explosions in the background are worrying. “We keep pushing it off!”

He makes a choked-off, strangled noise. “Jyn, if this is what you want –– “

“It _is._ ” 

“ –– then let’s wait just until we get back on base.” 

She narrows her brows. “What, are you trying to tell me you _don’t_ want to get married in the middle of a war zone?” 

Okay, well, when she says it _that_ way –– 

Before Cassian can recover and dismantle her idea by pointing out its many flaws, she bulldozes forward. “Han’s a captain –– he can marry us, easy. All we gotta do is say our vows and then we’re married.” 

He rests his head back against the wall, pinching the bridge of his nose as he groans. “ _Now?_ ” 

“We could die any day now, Cass,” she says quietly, causing him to glance up sharply at her. “When I go, I’d like to go as your wife.” 

He reaches out to her, cups her cheek gently. In this moment of tenderness, everything else fades away.  “I would like nothing more than to die as your husband, Jyn.” 

All she can do in response is nod, throat too choked up for anything more than that. Force, she loves this man so much. 

“Are you sure this is what you want?” he whispers. “I can’t promise a better wedding back on base, but…” 

“I’m not one for being traditional,” she murmurs back, grinning slightly. 

“Mhm, neither am I,” he leans forward, coaxes her gently into a passionate kiss that has her gasping for breath at the end of it. “Call Han. Let’s get married.” 

Quickly, she detangles her comm and raises it to her ear. “Hey, Solo! You there?” 

 _“Kinda busy right now, kid!”_ She can barely make out the sound of Chewbacca roaring in the background with Han’s continuous blaster fire.  _“We’ll get to your location quicker if you stop distractin’ me!”_

“Well, I’d appreciate if you hurried it up, but we’ve got another request.”

_“Like what? I’m not a kriffing miracle-worker!”_

“Marry us.” 

The line goes silent for a second, and when Han comes back, he’s spluttering.  _“What the hell?”_

She leans into Cassian’s embrace, resting her head on his shoulder. He makes room for her in the space next to him. It’s not comfortable, huddling behind a barricade and hiding from stormtroopers, but she wants to be as close as possible to him right now. 

“You heard me. You’re a captain –– marry us.” 

 _“I’m in a pretty committed relationship right now, Erso!”_ he hollers. Cassian smirks, tucking his face into her neck and nosing at her hair affectionately.  _“I’m sure you and the Captain have somethin’ good going on, but no thanks.”_  

“You know what I meant!” 

“Can you really say that for sure?” Cassian murmurs into her ear, and she laughs. “You never know with him.” 

_“All right, all right! Just hang on a second, okay? I’m in the middle of something!”_

The sound of boots passing by their location force them into silence. She clutches the front of Cassian’s jacket, holding her breath. When the squadron passes, she exhales sharply. It’s now or never. “Do it now, Solo.” 

 _“You gotta say your vows or some shit before I can do anything!”_  

“Right,” she exhales, then turns to Cassian. “You know I’m not good with this kind of stuff, but I –– I love you, Cassian Andor. Love you so kriffing much. And I. . .I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” 

He smiles softly, eyes crinkling. “I love you too, Jyn Erso. I hadn’t know happiness for a long time until I met you. _Te amo much, quierda_.” 

“Adorable.” 

The two of them glance up to see Han standing over them, hands on his hips. Chewbacca roars his agreement. “Yeah, yeah, we made it here before you two died –– you’re welcome.” 

She clambers to her feet, then holds out a hand to help Cassian up, careful of his back. “Say the words.” 

He raises an eyebrow. “You’re now husband and wife –– or _whatever_.” 

And before Jyn can throttle Han for his insincere delivery, Cassian swoops down and kisses her, and all of her protests die in her throat. 

It’s official. They’re married. 


	11. preacher au

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anonymous on tumblr, who asked "Rebelcaptain scene from your favorite tv-show."
> 
> thank you from the prompt! i’ve decided to go with that scene from the s2 finale of preacher. i suppose –– spoilers if you haven’t seen it, but s3 has been out for awhile so hopefully not 
> 
> roughly - bodhi is cassidy, jyn is tulip, and cass is jesse
> 
> tw: vampires, blood, character death

Bodhi doesn’t know what to do. Usually the scent of blood makes him half-mad with craving, but this is different. This is Jyn’s stomach that his hands are pressing against, Jyn’s blood that’s staining his skin red, and he’s not hungry, he’s far from it, stomach churning and lips drawn in a tight line. 

“Hey, hey, Jyn, shhh. Don’t try to talk, okay?” he swallows, tries to offer her a weak smile. On the floor next to them is his cellphone, ringing and ringing and ringing as he struggles to get a hold of Cassian. “Cass’ll get here soon, and he’ll –– he’ll make this right.” 

She reaches for him weakly, and he grasps her hand like a lifeline, gripping it so tightly as if he’ll be able to transfer his strength over to her. He’s never been one to believe in God, especially since he’s considered “damned” by most members of the church, but he finds himself praying anyway. 

_Please. Please save her._

Finally –– _finally!_ –– Cassian’s voice crackles over the speaker on his cellphone, and Bodhi almost sobs in relief. It’ll be okay now. Cassian will come and he’ll make this right.  _“Bodhi? I don’t have time to talk; I told you two that I’ve got shit that needs to be done.”_

“Cass –– “ he rasps, scrambling for his phone with his free hand. Jyn groans when his hands shift on her abdomen, and he mutters both curses and apologies. “It’s Jyn. She’s –– she got shot, it’s…it’s really bad. I think she’s dying.” 

There –– those are the words he’s been afraid to say. Bodhi’s been around more dead people than most (hell, he’s dead himself!), and he knows the signs. Jyn’s so small it seems like most of her blood is pooled out on the floor around them, and her wheezing breaths indicate she probably won’t be needing air for much longer. 

He could save her, he knows. It wouldn’t be hard; he’s done it before. She’ll hate him for it, but she’ll be alive, and he can’t afford to lose anyone else, let alone his _sister_. His eyes linger for perhaps a beat too long at her neck, his musings only interrupted by Cassian’s voice once again. 

_“I’m on my way. Don’t –– don’t…“_

A pause, then he hangs up. 

His shoulders sag, but he continues to press his hands against her wound. There’s no exit wounds in her back, which he supposes is a good thing. The shotgun shells currently embedded in her gut are staunching some of the bleeding, but no matter how much pressure he applies, it doesn’t seem to do any good. 

“Bods?” she murmurs, blinking rapidly to try and shake the glaze in her eyes. She’s slipping in and out of confusion now, laying on the floor of his kitchen and slowly dying before his eyes. “Where’s…Cass? I need ‘im. Need Cass’n…” 

“He’s on his way,” Bodhi tells her earnestly, babbling as if his voice will be the one thing that tethers her to the living world. “He’s almost here, Jyn, and he’ll help. Patch you up real good, use some of that, you know,” he chokes out a laugh, “ _God magic_ or whatever. Probably –– he’ll probably order you not to die, too.” 

“Never been…good at followin’ –– “ she coughs, and a scarlet trail leaves her mouth, causing Bodhi’s stomach to clench in fear. “Followin’ orders, y’know. . .” 

“Well, you have to –– Jyn, you have to follow this one,” he urges, reaching up to cup her face as her eyes start to slide closed. “You _have_ to. You can’t die, you can’t leave me here alone!” 

“Watch over him…’kay, Bods?” she whispers. “He’ll be –– he’ll be gutted…when ‘m’gone.” 

 _What about me?_ Bodhi wants to shout, wants to grab her shoulders and shake some sense into her. _What am I supposed to do if you die, Jyn? How am I supposed to go on without you?_

His line of thought is cut short when Cassian bursts through the doorway, chest heavingand eyes wild. He drops to his knees next to Jyn’s side with a heavy _thud,_ moving Bodhi’s hands out of the way as he presses down on her stomach instead. 

It takes Bodhi a few minutes to realize that he’s speaking softly, not all the words in English. “I’m here, Jyn, _quierda_. _No trates de hablar_ , shhh. It’s okay, you’re okay…” 

But she’s not, and they both know it. Cassian leans back on his heels, looking at Bodhi desperately, and he _knows_ , he knows that nothing Cassian can do will save her. 

Jyn’s going to die. 

“You can’t –– you can’t order her to stay? God damn it, use the Voice, Cassian!”

“It won’t work, I…” he runs his fingers through his hair, streaking the brown strands with red. He curses in Spanish. “I can’t. Bodhi, there’s nothing I can do!”

There’s only one option left, then. He turns back to Jyn, starts to lean over her prone form. The way her breath whistles in her lungs kills him; she’s barely conscious, and he needs to do this now, while she’s still alive. “I can help her. I’ll save her.” 

“Bodhi –– _no_. You know she wouldn’t thank you, doesn’t want –– ” 

But now that he’s let himself be lured in by the intoxicating smell of blood, he barely hears Cassian’s protests. His mouth is almost on her neck before he’s ripped away, held back by Cassian’s vice grip around his arms. 

“I won’t let you,” he snarls into Bodhi’s ear, dragging him away from Jyn’s body. “I won’t let you turn her into a –– ” 

“Into what?” he shoots back, kicking and struggling in his grip, but Cassian doesn’t let up. “Into a _monster_ like me? She’s my sister, Cass, I can’t just let her die! I can’t let her die –– I love her, I have to save her, _please_ , Cassian, I can’t let her die, I have to save her, I –– “ 

Cassian’s rocking him slightly in his arms, waiting until all of the fight leaves his body. “There’s nothing we can do,” he murmurs gently, and Bodhi can hear the heartbreak in his voice. “I love her too, but we can’t –– we have to let her _go_.” 

A few feet in front of them, Jyn sucks in one last breath. Her chest doesn’t rise after that. He watches as her eyes slip shut, as the tension leaves her body. Watches as she dies _alone_ , without either of them at her side for comfort. 

It only takes a few seconds; she’s alive, and then she’s not.

Bodhi can barely find it in himself to cry when Cassian finally lets him go. Both of them crawl over to her, stroking her hands and her face and her hair. Between his tears, he blubbers out the same phrase over and over again.  _“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry…”_

Cassian shifts his arms underneath her body, moving to takeJyn into his arms and hoist her up bridal-style. Not like she’ll ever be a bride now, Bodhi thinks dully, watching him take her away. 

“What are you doing?” he asks, scrambling to his feet. “I won’t let you take her, she needs –– she needs to be buried. All proper, and that.” 

“I’m going to bring her back,” he says, mouth in a firm line. His eyes aren’t dry either, tears marking lines on his dirty face. Grief is etched onto his face, and his eyes look half-crazed “I can bring her back. We need to take her to Gran’ma.” 

Lost for words and for lack of a better plan, Bodhi trots behind him as he leaves the room, hoping that his friend’s plan isn’t as impossible as it seems. He wants his sister back, at any cost. 


	12. “don’t freak out… but i think we got married last night!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from anonymous on tumblr: "“Don’t freak out… but I think we got married last night!” -I saw this i immediately thought or Rebelcaptain. I hope this inspires you to write :)
> 
> thank you for the prompt! i dont think this is what you were looking for, exactly, but i hope you enjoy it anyway!

_Kriffing hell_.

The thing that wakes Jyn isn’t the hum of the generator, or Cassian’s steady breath in her ear –– instead, it’s the pounding in her head that makes her feel like she’s been trampled by a herd of bantha.

She shifts uncomfortably, trying to relieve some of the pressure of her hangover –– _force_ , just how much did she drink last night? –– and inadvertently wakes Cassian up in the process. _Shit._

“Sorry,” she mutters, closing her eyes and trying to further envelop herself in his embrace. 

“You okay?” he murmurs back, lips barely grazing the back of her neck. His arm tightens around her middle, pulling her back into his warm. “You had quite a bit to drink last night. I can grab painkillers if you need them.”

To keep him at her side, she grips his hand tightly. “ _No_. Don’t move. Just need you.” 

He chuckles, and to her immense relief, he stays where he is. “Let me know when you do.” 

She grunts in response. “My head is kriffing _killing_ me. I don’t even…shit, Cass. I can barely _remember_ what happened.” 

“Well,” he starts, pauses, then adds slowly, “don’t freak out, but I _think_ we got married last night.” 

Her heart lurches in her chest, and she flips over onto her other side, groaning at the way it rattles her aching skull. In the dim light, she can barely make out his face, but she _knows_ that he’s smirking. “You _think?_ ” 

It slowly starts to come back to her –– standing on top of a table, announcing to the whole cantina that she loved him and telling them she’s going to marry him, and then _Han_ coming over and drunkenly offering to _officiate_ –– 

She chokes, burying her face in his shirt. “Did I really –– _kriffing hell,_ I told them all how much I liked your ass, didn’t I? Shit, Cass.” 

He presses a kiss to the top of her head, clutching her to his front. “That was a bit embarrassing,” he says slowly. “But flattering nonetheless.” 

“You do have a nice ass,” she mutters, and he chuckles. “I stand by that.” 

After a beat, she adds, “I –– that’s not how I wanted this to happen.” 

“No? Did you –– ” All of the suddenly, he sounds self-conscious, shy. “Did you not want it to happen?”

“No! No, I love you, Cass, ‘course I want to get married to you!” she interjects quickly, moving away so she can look him in the eye. Her hand reaches up to cup his cheek, gently encouraging him to see the truth on her face. “I just wish it would have happened differently.” 

“Mmm,” he hums contently, relaxing due to her protests. “It doesn’t matter to me how it happened; I just like being married to you.” 

“Me too,” she whispers, slightly regretful. “I just –– I wish I could remember more of it.” 

The fuzzy gaps in her mind makes her heart sink. Stars, she’s so kriffing happy to have Cassian as her husband, but she wants the memories of the night alongside that. The smiles, the happiness, the _love_ –– it’s barely there.

“How about this,” Cassian proposes, kissing her forehead. She melts into his touch. “We get a little more sleep, and we can do it again when you feel better. And sober.” 

“I’d like that,” she admits, closing her eyes. “I’m gonna…I’m gonna marry you so hard later.” 

His laugh rumbles in his chest. “I wouldn’t expect any less from you. Sleep, Jyn.” 


	13. childhood friends au

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anonymous on tumblr asked: "Jyn and Cassian have been friends since she kicked some older kids asses for making fun of him and Bodhi in the second week of kindergarten. He thinks that he's been in love with her since then, but there's no way in hell he's going to ruin their friendship on the chance that she cares for him in the same way."
> 
> writing this made me so thankful im done with finals wheww

Cassian knows quite a bit about Jyn Erso. 

He knows that her combat boots actually have a steel-toe, that the metal at the tip isn’t just for decoration (and God, he still feels bad for the kid who’s tibia she splintered, years later). He knows she’s pretty much been on her own since age sixteen, bouncing from family to family after Saw abandoned her until she turned eighteen. He knows that her favorite symphony is Tchaikovsky’s 5th, that she prefers tea over coffee and only drinks it black, that she hides her intelligence but is still one of the best damn computer programmers he’s ever met, and that she can fix almost anything technological, too.  

He knows that he’s in love with her, has been for a very long time. Ever since she’d beat the shit out of those kids making fun of him in kindergarten, he thinks. 

But what he doesn’t know (and it’s what scares him most) is if she feels the same. It’s safer not to say anything in these kind of situations. Jyn’s been a part of his life for as long as he could remember; he doesn’t want to lose her over something as silly and fickle as a _crush_. 

“Cass, you all right?” 

He blinks, suddenly jolted out of his thoughts. Jyn’s leaning over their shared study table, waving her hand in front of his eyes dramatically. “Oh good,” she huffs out, smiling slightly. “I thought you went catatonic.” 

“Sorry,” he manages, then gestures at all of his books lying over the surface. “Just –– you know. _Stressed_.” 

She looks at him owlishly over the top of his laptop. There’s dark bags under her eyes, and her skin looks wan and too pale from lack of sleep, but underneath the artificial glow of the library’s lights, she’s never looked more beautiful. “You can say that again. I need a fuckin’ drink.” 

He glances up at the clock, ticking steadily away. It’s been nearly three hours, and he doesn’t think he’s made any progress reading the biology textbook in front of him. “It’s only eight,” he tells her, torn between being amused at her antics and how much he agrees with her. “And isn’t your final tomorrow?” 

“I’ll probably do better on it if I get smashed tonight,” she grouches, face sour as she slides down in her chair, poking him in the thigh with her foot. He kicks her leg away from him with a raised eyebrow, noting that she’s already made herself comfortable and taken off her shoes. “ _C’mon_ , Cassi.” 

As much as he wants to get out of the damn library for some fresh air, going to a bar isn’t going to help either of them. “You’re not going to do well if you’re hungover tomorrow,” he says gently. “We just have one more day.” 

“I _guess_.” 

There’s a moment of silence that’s permeated only by his pen scratching against paper and sounds of Jyn’s nails against her keyboard. She interrupts it to ask, “You’re going to Han’s party tomorrow, right?” 

He nods. It’s not his kind of scene, but if Jyn’s going to be there, that’s where he’ll be. She makes those kind of gatherings bearable. “I’ll be there.” 

“Good.” 

They work companionably for another hour or so, happy just to be in each other’s company and suffer together. No question, finals week is the worst week on campus, but it’s better spent with the people he cares about. It makes the stress of it all more bearable. 

And there isn’t anyone he’d rather study with than Jyn Erso. 

All of the sudden, she slams her laptop close and looks at him, eyes blazing. “I  need a break,” she announces, and when he opens his mouth to repeat what he’d said an hour previously, she cuts him off. “ _Not_ to a bar. I could use a cup of tea, or something.” 

“Okay,” he says, hair flopping down into his eye. He brushes it out of his face absently, trying to focus. _Mitosis and meiosis –– shit, what’s the difference again?_  “I’ll be here.” 

There’s a pause. Jyn hasn’t left yet –– instead, she’s staring at him from across the table, eyebrows raised. 

“Do you, uh,” he scratches the back of his neck. “Do you need something?” 

“Do you want to come with?” she asks, plucking her coat off of the back of her chair and shrugging it on. 

“I’d like to, but I’ve got a lot of shit to learn before tomorrow,” he says regretfully. He really _would_ like to go, but… “Can you bring me something back? You’re the best at smuggling things back in here.” 

She purses her lips, eyebrows furrowed. “You sure?” 

He doesn’t know how to react to that. “Yeah, sorry.” 

Jyn slams her hands flat down on the table, leaning over it to look him in the eye. “Fuck it,” she mutters. “I’m trying to ask you on a _date_ , Cassian. I want to get tea with _you_.”  

Cassian gapes, words not processing correctly in his mind. She wants –– to go out with –– with _him_? Fuck, is he dreaming? He wants to pinch himself, but he also doesn’t want this to end. 

Clearly, he doesn’t respond fast enough, however; Jyn starts backtracking before he can even think of something to say. “It’s fine, though. I know you have a lot of work to do, and you probably don’t feel the same, so I’ll just –– “ 

He stands abruptly, grabs his coat and puts it on. “I want to.” 

“What?” 

“I want to get tea with you,” he clarifies, smiling hesitantly. “I could use a break, and studying can wait a half an hour.” 

School’s important to him, always has been, but it’s also important to focus on other things. He thinks he can spare some time to get tea with his friend –– or if this date goes well, his _girlfriend_. 

Maybe finals week isn’t so bad after all. 


	14. "i'm not emotional. YOU'RE emotional."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prompt fill for [@literatiruinedme](https://tmblr.co/mMHEYNHE32Z2g5H6XwHsW1g), who sent me [this gifset](http://mickeyandmumbles.tumblr.com/post/156620728373/this-is-us-watching-this-is-us) and i was immediately like YES

“Cass, are you crying?” 

Cassian swipes at his face with the back of his hand, not even trying to be discrete. “ _No._ ” 

“’cause, you know,” Kes Dameron waves his hand in his general direction, concern flashing in his eyes. “It kinda looked like you were.” 

“I’m _not_ ,” Cassian insists, glaring at the other man and crossing his arms over his chest. His puffy eyes and red face say otherwise. “I’m not crying.” 

“Hey, man. There’s nothing to be ashamed about,” he reaches out, claps Cassian on the shoulder. “We’ll be back. This is hardly the last time you’ll see us.” 

He exhales heavily, scrubbing a hand over his face. It doesn’t look like he’s slept in _weeks_. “I know. I’ll just –– I’ll miss you two. And Poe, of course.” 

It’s not a secret that out of all of Poe’s many, _many_ godparents, Jyn and Cassian adored him the most. And by the looks of things, Jyn isn’t doing so well with this good-bye, either. 

“Come on,” he says gently, tugging Cassian toward where Shara and Jyn are standing. Jyn has Poe tucked up in her arms, and it looks as if Shara’s trying to convince her to hand him over. 

(But Kes knows Jyn. She’s a kriffing spitfire, that one, and when she puts her mind to something, she’s not going down without a fight.

He really _would_ like to take his son with them, though.)

“Jyn, c’mon,” Shara says, trying (and failing) to hide her smile. “We really do need to leave.” 

“Then leave,” she shoots back, voice choked with tears. She presses a gentle kiss to the top of Poe’s head, rocking him back and forth, back and forth. Even from this distance, Kes can see how watery her eyes are. “What’s stopping you?”  

“I mean –– “ Kes interjects, eyes twinkling. “You _do_ have our son. We’d like to have him back before we head out.” 

Truthfully, his heart swells with gratitude; he knows that if anything happens to him or Shara, Poe will be well-loved. 

Jyn opens her mouth to protest, but Cassian is the one to speak, the one to take Poe out of her arms and hand him over to Shara. “We’ll see them again,” he murmurs into her ear, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “We will.” 

Jyn sniffles, then glares bloody murder at the two of them. “This never happened.” 

“Of course not,” Shara soothes, smoothing her head over the top of Poe’s head. She moves to wrap the two of them into a one-armed hug. Kes, not one to let a happy moment be, leaps up to squash all four of them in a group hug.

“Get off me, Dameron,” Jyn huffs, pushing him away, but there’s a smile on her face now. “You three better get going.” 

“You two will be okay? You better call us if you aren’t.” 

“We’ll be fine,” Cassian assures them, tucking Jyn into his side and stepping back from the shuttle. “Have a safe flight. Let us know when you get there.” 

After a few more parting waves, the doors close. Jyn buries her face in his shirt, shoulders shaking with the effort to hold back her sobs. 

“Don’t –– “ he swallows, then tries again. “Don’t get emotional.” 

“I’m not emotional. _I’m_ not emotional,” she retorts, but there’s no heat in her voice. “ _You’re_ emotional.” 

“I’m not emotional,” but his voice crack and the tears in his eyes say otherwise.

“Okay,” she mumbles. “Glad we’re both not emotional.” 

The two of them watch silently as Kes and Shara’s shuttle takes-off and leaves atmo. They stand there for a while after, waiting until the hustle and bustle of the hangar bay becomes too much for them. 

“You wanna go back to our room and call them?” 

“Absolutely,” he agrees, kissing the top of her head gently. “Let’s do that.” 


	15. avoidance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anonymous on tumblr asked: "Jyn and cassian have worked quite a few missions together, they'd become good friends and jyn had thought that there was a chance they could become more, but after a mission goes bad and Jyn does something reckless to save him he suddenly starts to distance himself from her. Now he barely seems to look in her direction and choses other people for his missions."

“You’ve been avoiding me.” 

Like a good spy, Cassian had heard her approach –– but that doesn’t stop her sharp words and cold demeanor from nearly giving him whiplash. He schools his face into a calm mask, not letting her see just how much her words have shocked him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Ever since Tatooine,” she continues, pushing forward as if he hadn’t spoken. She bounces on the balls of her feet, rocking back and forth. Clearly nervous, anxious. “I want to know why.” 

He shakes his head, the lie coming out easy, unpracticed. It should startle him, how little effort it takes for the words to slip off of his tongue, but he’s been doing this much too long for that. “I’ve been busy. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to spend as much time with you as  _you_ want.” 

She glares, grinding her teeth. The barb hits home and he hates himself for it. He’s always been the first to reassure her that she’s not taking too much of his time, that he doesn’t mind when she chooses to spend her days at his side. He knows how her mind tells her not to bother, to distance herself so it won’t hurt when they leave, but he always tries to encourage her otherwise. 

And now he’s squandered that. Ruined any chance of a relationship that they’ve had, or could have in the future. 

His gaze slides to a point just over her shoulder as her hands clench, nails digging into her palm. She turns her head to the side, then takes a step back, clearly about to walk away from him. 

This is what he wants. He wants her to go away, to leave him alone and stop asking questions he’s not ready to answer. And since this is what he wants –– why the hell has his stomach dropped? Why does it hurt so much to see her hurting?

(He knows why. He just doesn’t want to think about it.)

She takes a step back, then another, emotions warring over her face. She looks pissed, infuriated with him, and it’s clear she’s decided that he’s no longer worth her time. She’s given him a chance, hasn’t pushed him away and left, and  even though he’s promised that he isn’t like the people in her past, he’s already proved himself a liar. 

He left her, and now she’s leaving him –– like he deserves. 

(It’s for the best.)

 

_“Jyn! Jyn, c’mon, you have to stay with me, okay? Keep your eyes open, please. There you go, eyes on me, Jyn.”_

_She blinks up at him, eyes hazy and confused. Her head is balanced carefully in his lap as he struggles to keep her from moving, hand pressed against the gash in her forehead. “Cass’n?”_

_“Yeah, I’m here. It’s me, Jyn. I’m here,” he’s babbling, just trying to keep her awake and alive. She’d seen the grenade seconds before he had, had tackled him down and protected him with her body, and he hates her for it. He hates that she might die for him, that she might die_ instead _of him._

_“You’re doing so well, sweetheart,” he murmurs, brushing away stands of her hair off of her sweaty forehead. “So, so well. Keep those eyes open for me, okay?”  
_

_“Hurts,” she moans, trying to push up and away from him, but he holds her down with shaking arms. “Hnng –– hurts, Cass’n.”  
_

_“I know, I know. But you can’t go to sleep, okay?”  
_

_He looks over his shoulder, wide-eyed. The two of them are sitting together in the cargo bay, but he can just barely see the cockpit from where he’s positioned. “Kay, you need to get us out of here!”_

_“There’s a fifty-five percent chance –– “  
_

_Cassian doesn’t want to hear it, doesn’t want to hear any percentages or chances that Jyn won’t survive the return trip. “Just go!”_

_When he looks down again, her eyes are closed._

_“No!”  
_

“No,” Jyn’s voice breaks him out of his memories; she hasn’t walked away like he’d expected. “No, I’m not doing this. I want an _answer_ , Cassian. Why are you _acting_ like this?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” but stars, he does. He knows exactly what she’s talking about.

She takes another step forward, fists her hand in his shirt and yanks him down for a kiss. At first, he’s too surprised to reciprocate, but then he does, tugging her forward to deepen it. 

She breaks the kiss all too soon, panting slightly when she steps away from him. “I was right, then,” she breathes out, blinking up at him sadly. “You still love me.” 

“Jyn –– “ 

(She’s right.)  

“What did I do wrong?” she asks. It’s written across her face; she thinks _this_ is her fault, that she’s done something to drive a wedge between them and break their relationship. “I must have –– I’m sorry. For whatever I did.” 

In reality, it’s his weakness that has kept him away, his inability to believe that he deserves happiness. 

“I’m going to –– I’m going to go,” Jyn mutters when she doesn’t get a reaction from him. He’s still too busy processing her words. “Don’t get yourself killed out there, Captain. I’ll see you around.” 

“Jyn, no. Wait –– “ 

He reaches out, snags her arm to keep her next to him. His mask breaks, letting her see all that he’s feeling cross over his face. “This isn’t your fault. It isn’t –– you can’t think that.” 

He lets her go, but she doesn’t move. Instead, she waits, ready to hear him out. 

“After what happened on Tatooine…I couldn’t –– you _saved_ me, Jyn. You could have died. I can’t let you risk yourself for me just because you…” the words almost slip off of his tongue, but he stops himself. “I can’t watch you get hurt for me.” 

“I would do it again,” she says stubbornly, chin up. “I would do anything for you.” 

Force, he doesn’t want that.

“I want you to be safe,” he murmurs. “And that’s why I –– why I’ve been avoiding you.” 

It’s a weight off his shoulders to finally admit that out loud, but oh, does he hate himself for it. 

“But you won’t –– you won’t anymore, right? Now that we’ve talked this out.  I  miss you, Cassi.” 

He sighs, but she cuts him off. “Let’s make a deal. I’ll try to be more careful, and you won’t pull this shit again. Okay?” 

He’s always been weak for her –– that’s why he agrees. “Okay.” 

Jyn’s eyes are hard. “I don’t –– don’t treat me like that again, Cassian. Even when you’re upset with me for something. I’d rather you yell than cut me out of your life.” 

Cassian swallows. “I’m sorry. I won’t –– not again.” 

“Good.” And at that, she breaks, throwing herself in his arms and wrapping her legs around his hips. He staggers slightly, grunting under her sudden weight, but once he rights himself, he holds her just as tightly.

“I’m here,” he whispers hoarsely, his mind darting back to that fateful afternoon where she’d almost died in his arms. “It’s me. I’m here."


	16. fire escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [literatiruinedme](http://literatiruinedme.tumblr.com) asked: "Jyn and cassian on a fire escape because of reasons - do whatever you want with it ✨" 
> 
> cw: grief/mourning, referenced death of a minor character

There’s an unlit cigarette dangling from her fingertips when Jyn hears the door open behind her. The sound is muffled, drowned out by the city below her, but she isn’t worried about someone breaking into her apartment. If she’s counted the time correctly, then it’s just Cassian coming back from work. 

“Jyn? You home?” 

“Out here,” she calls back, voice rasping. God, she needs a fucking smoke. Her lighter is hidden somewhere inside, though; Cassian had taken it upon himself to take it away from her, and she’s been too lazy to buy (or steal) another one. Instead, she lets her head fall forward, arms stretching out in front of her and elbows resting on the railing of the fire escape. 

She’s so _tired_. 

“Hey,” she can’t see him, but she knows Cassian’s come up behind her. “You all right?” 

When his hand touches the small of her back, she flinches away. He removes all contact immediately, and as an explanation, she mutters, “Don’t wanna be touched right now.” 

“Okay.” 

She lifts her head slowly, watches as Cassian settles himself next to her, posture mimicking her own. The sun’s setting, sapping the light from the sky, but she can make out the dark circles underneath his eyes and the waxy, paleness of his skin. She’d kept him up last night, she knows, and the guilt of it sends her stomach churning. 

“Han let you go early?” 

“Mhm,” she responds, then adds quietly, only slightly lying, “Told him I had to do something tonight.” 

He’d practically pushed her out of the bar, claiming that she’d been doing more harm than good standing around like a zombie. 

“So you’re going to go?” he asks, the softness in his voice making her jaw clench, her whole body tense up. She doesn’t want this, doesn’t _deserve_  him and his sympathy when all she does is make his life a living hell. “I saw the flowers on the table.” 

“Picked those up on the way home,” Jyn shrugs half-heartedly, going to raise her cigarette to her lips out of habit. “The shop I went to –– they didn’t have mums, though.” 

Those are –– _were_ –– his favorite. 

“I think he’ll appreciate the gesture, anyway,” Cassian watches her movements, eyes narrowing. His hand twitches, as if he’s going to pluck the offending item out of her fingertips. Though he tries to hide it, she can hear the disappointment in his voice. “I thought you quit those.” 

“I did,” she mutters angrily. “It’s not even lit, Cassian. What, do you not believe me?” 

“You’re holding a cigarette in your hand right now, Jyn. What was I supposed to think?” 

After a few beats, she lets the cigarette fall from her fingers and absently watches it drop down to the city below them. No one looks up, screams at her for throwing something down. She hopes that whoever picks it up enjoys it as much as she would have; it’s brand new, right out of the box she’d picked up on her way home, sitting on the table next to the flowers. 

“Bought ‘em out of habit,” she says quietly, fingers flexing on the railing, knuckles white. “Couldn’t stop myself.” 

“It’s fine, Jyn,” he replies, sliding a little closer to her but still not touching. “I’m sorry for accusing you. I know it’s hard.” 

God, today has been so fucking _hard_. It’s not the lack of sleep that’s killing her, but the heavy burden of grief weighing her down. She doesn’t know why she’s feeling this way, and hates that she is. 

Above all else, she hates that she’s mourning a father she’d never really known.

“Have you talked to Bodhi?”

Jyn shifts her weight, leaning more of her body over the railing. Her eyes close; she doesn’t want to see the disappointment on his face (yet again, for the second time in two minutes) at her answer. “I turned my phone off.” 

The texts had started this morning, causing anxiety to rise up in her throat and cut off of her breathing. Before she’d fallen into a panic, she’d switched it off immediately, letting the comforting black screen calm her down. 

She’s so weak. Bodhi needs her, more than she needs him, and she can’t even fucking pick up the phone when he calls. 

_“Jyn –– “_

“Don’t, Cassian. I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“All right,” he murmurs patiently, despite the ire and irritation she’s throwing his way. “I’m going to go back inside. Let me know if you want me to drive you there.” 

She doesn’t respond, turning her head to the side so she doesn’t have to watch him leave. 

But he doesn’t do it right away. Instead, he lingers in the doorway, watching her defeated form slump over the fire escape. “It’s okay to mourn, Jyn,” he says quietly. “You don’t have to hide it. Not from me.” 

“I’m not _sad,_ ” Jyn says. “He doesn’t deserve it.” 

That’s a lie.

She imagines Cassian’s sad gaze, can feel his eyes burning holes in her back. As much as she wants to find comfort in his arms, she feels too off right now, limbs fuzzy and tingling, like the static on a tv-screen when it can’t connect. 

“You can still hate him _and_ be sad about his death. Those two things –– they are not mutually exclusive.” 

“I guess,” she responds sourly.

“Come back in when you’re feeling better,” he says after a long silence. She’s not going to say anymore, doesn’t want to argue with him. “I’ll get started on dinner.” 

And when she hears Cassian’s soft footsteps padding away, she finally starts to cry. 


	17. unloveable, part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from anonymous on tumblr, who asked: "She should hav known. She shouldn't have been stupid enough to tell Cassian she loved him. For one shining, happy moment she thought that maybe, just maybe he could love her too. She couldn't blame him. She wouldn't like her either if she was him, much less love her. Really she shouldn't have let herself forget the thing she'd known for years; no one could love her. (Sorry for the crappy sentence, I'm just in a angsty Jyn mood. Usually in fics its Cass who gets lost in self loathing)"

If there’s one thing that Jyn’s learned over the years, one thing that’s remained constant, it’s that there’s something wrong with her. 

She doesn’t know what it is, and doubts that she ever will. It’s something that makes her unloveable, makes people want to leave her no matter how hard she tries to get them to stay. It’s happened so many times before that it can’t be coincidental; even when someone promises to stick around, she doesn’t believe them. She know they won’t, that they’ll leave despite what they say, because there’s something about her that isn’t right. 

But Cassian makes her forget. 

It’s hard to remember that she’s broken when she’s with him, when he makes her feel so loved. The reminder will slip through the cracks sometimes, like late at night or when she’s alone, but then Cassian will press a kiss to the top of her head or hold her closer, and she’ll stop thinking about it again. He has an effect on her that no one else has ever seemed to have, and that makes her selfish. She wants what she can’t have, could _never_ have. 

_“I love you.”_

If Jyn could turn back time, she would go back to that moment and keep her mouth shut. It’s not that there isn’t any truth in her statement –– stars, she loves Cassian _so_ much –– but she’d forgotten herself. Forgotten for a few precious seconds that there’s something wrong with her and let herself pretend that she could have this one thing –– that she could love Cassian and be loved in return. 

But why would he? Why would he love her back? She’s _unloveable_. 

There had been nothing on Cassian’s face when she’d said, nothing that made her think he felt the same. He’d fallen back behind his spy mask, looking at her for too long without saying anything. She had to get away, had to leave, to run like the coward she is. 

So that’s what she’d done. Ran away. Looking back, she can’t tell if Cassian had actually been calling out for her to wait, or if her mind has fabricated that entirely. 

Now, she’s curled up in her bed, legs drawn up to her stomach and blankets pulled up to over her head. Alone in the darkness, it’s easy to be weak and vulnerable. Hopeless. 

He could _never_ love her back. 

It’s been a long time since she’s slept in her own room; she spends most of her time these days in Cassian’s, with him. It helps both of them get the rest they so desperately need but cannot get on their own; nightmares plague both of them, but when together, it’s so much easier. 

But Jyn doesn’t think she’ll be getting any sleep tonight, doesn’t even think she’ll try. Instead, she stares forward, eyes blank and absent. 

Force, she’s so _stupid_. 

She’s so caught up in her own head that she doesn’t notice the banging on the door, doesn’t notice that anything is amiss until the lock flashes green and light floods her room. 

But Jyn doesn’t move. She’s just so _tired_. 

The door closes, plunging the room back into darkness, but not for long. Whoever is there flicks on the lights, then rushes to her side, kneeling in front of her. 

_Cassian._

“Jyn,” he says softly, raising a hand as if he wants to brush back her hair but hesitantly, as if he’s not sure he’s allowed to touch her anymore. “Jyn, are you all right?” 

 _No. Clearly._ She shifts, flipping onto her other side so she doesn’t have to face him. “I’m fine.” 

“Jyn…” 

“Go away, Cassian.” 

Instead of leaving, however, he sits on the edge of her bed; she can feel the mattress dip underneath his weight. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

“You will,” she mutters, pulling the blanket higher over her face. 

There’s silence. She wishes he would leave, even though she doesn’t want him to. 

He sighs, shifting slightly. “I’m sorry. For not responding. You surprised me, I…I didn’t know you felt that way. About me.” 

Silence. He swallows, then adds, “I didn’t know that you feel the same way I do. I love you.” 

Her shoulders tense, muscles rigid. No, that can’t be right. He’s lying –– he _has_ to be. Her voice is hoarse when she finally speaks. “No, you don’t.” 

“I don’t understand,” he says, clearly confused. She imagines the way his eyebrows crease together, the tight pull of his mouth. “Jyn, I _do_. I’m sorry about earlier, I’d just –– ” 

“No,” she repeats, voice shaking. There’s tears in her eyes, close to spilling over, down her face and onto her pillow. “No, I don’t believe you.” 

Cassian places his hand on her back, his warmth cutting through the blanket wrapped around her. “I love you,” he tells her gently. “I _love_ you.” 

“That’s impossible.” 

“It’s not. It’s what I feel.”

“No one can love me. I…I’m unloveable. There’s something wrong with me, I don’t know what it is, but I’m broken, I can’t –– you can’t love me, no one can ever love me –– “ 

He makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat, then wraps himself around her, knees slotting behind her thighs and arms wrapping around her waist. There’s something wet on the back of her neck, dripping down from Cassian’s nose onto her skin. “Oh, Jyn,” he soothes, searching for words that can provide her some sort of comfort. “Jyn…” 

“Don’t lie to me, Cassian. Don’t you dare kriffing lie!” 

“I’m not lying,” he says again. “I love you –– and I’m going to keep telling you that until you believe me.” 

Jyn shakes in his arms, shivers violently as he strokes her hair and tries to calm her down. She doesn’t believe him, not now. She doesn’t think she ever will, not when this is all she knows. 

(But maybe, _maybe_ she will in the future. If anyone could convince her, it would be him.) 


	18. unloveable, part two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for [AstridMyrna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstridMyrna/pseuds/AstridMyrna), who requested "If the inspiration strikes I'd really like to see how he does convince her! I feel like with them it wouldn't be a big gesture at all, just a culmination of a lot of little and medium and big moments of him showing and telling her that he loves her and it's one completely random little expression of affection that snaps everything together." 
> 
> it's not exactly what you requested, but hopefully you enjoy it all the same!

“I believe you.” 

Cassian looks up from his meal, startled, blinking. His mouth is full of food when he asks, “What?” 

Jyn shifts in her seat, clearly uncomfortable. He hasn’t said anything in the last two minutes that warranted her blatant display of trust in him. “You know,” she mutters, poking her fork in the air for emphasis. “The thing.” 

“You’re going to have to be a bit more specific than that,” he replies, amusement tugging the corner of his lips upward. 

If it’s possible, she blushes even more, her face almost entirely red. When she speaks next, it’s in a whisper; he has to strain to hear it over the din of the mess hall. “When you tell me you love me. I believe you.” 

Oh. _Oh._

It’s been weeks since they’d had that conversation curled up in her bed, Cassian comforting her silently as Jyn tried to hide her tears. He’s been nothing but a steady presence ever since, biding his time and being patient. 

It’s finally paid off. 

He reaches across the table and takes her hands in his own, thumb rubbing against the back of it gently. “Jyn, I’m –– “

He doesn’t know what to say. That he’s proud of her? That seems strange, almost. Luckily, Jyn cuts him off, words pouring out of her mouth as if she can’t stop them. 

“I’ve known it for a while, I think,” she tells him. “Just didn’t know when to say it. It just kinda. . . _spilled_  out.” 

The happiness he feels right now –– it’s like his heart is about to burst out of his chest. He can’t do anything but squeeze her hands, hoping that his actions show her exactly what’s going on inside him. 

“I don’t know why you do,” she admits after a beat. “Or how. But I believe you when you say it. That you love me.” 

That’s a problem they can deal with later; they have weeks, months, years together. It won’t be difficult for him to teach Jyn how to be loved, that she _can_ be loved.

“Hey, Jyn.” 

“Hmm?” she asks, blinking up from where she’s looking at their intwined hands, looking at him for the first time during their conversation.” 

“I love you,” he tells her seriously, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. 

Jyn returns it, the adoration in her eyes reflecting back at him. He imagines he looks the same, lovesick and giddy. “I know.” 


	19. medbay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anonymous on tumblr asked: "Jyn HATES the medbay even more than Cassian. She refuses to go unless she absolutely has to, if she's conscious she can deal with it on her own."

_“Psfassk!”_

Jyn can’t help the curse that slips out of her mouth as the hydro spanner slides over her skin and slices into the meat of her palm. Before the blood can spill over onto the ground, she snatches up a rag off of the ground and wraps it around her right hand, clenching her teeth against the pain. The hydro spanner clatters to the ground, forgotten and covered in red. 

“Kriffing hell,” she mutters to herself as she presses the cloth against the wound, watches as the white fabric slowly changes to scarlet. Once it slows, she peels back her make-shift bandage to check the cut; one look at it tells her that she’s going to need _something_ to close it, and she’s got a needle and thread back in her quarters. 

She exhales sharply, abandoning her workplace in favor of taking care of herself. As soon as she’s sure she’s not going to bleed all over her work, she’ll come back and finish up the repairs. 

That’s the plan, of course, until she sees Cassian. As much as she enjoys his presence, as much as she wants to spend time with him, she knows he’ll –– 

“Where are you going?” 

–– notice something is wrong. 

“Forgot something in my quarters,” she shrugs nonchalantly, shifting so her injured hand is behind her back. “I’m grabbing it.” 

He searches her face for a few seconds as if he doesn’t believe her, then nods. “All right. You finish with the droid?” 

“Almost.” 

“What’s wrong with it?” 

Her hand throbs in time with her heartbeat, but she schools her face into indifference. “The little wheels,“ she raises her hand, makes a little motion with it, “they keep getting stuck.” 

“Okay,” he says, craning his head to look at her workspace. She winces slightly, hoping he doesn’t see. “I can –– is that _blood_?” 

“No,” she lies blatantly. “That’s grease.” 

“It’s red.” 

“It’s red grease.” 

“Jyn,” he says, eyes flashing warningly. He scans her body up and down, looking for any sign of injury, then pauses seeing how she holds her hand. “What happened?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Show me your hand,” he nearly growls, no room for argument in his tone. He holds out his hand, waiting. 

With a heavy sigh, she places her hand into his, containing her flinch when he pulls the rag away to see the cut. “It’s really not that bad,” she reassures him weakly, after he doesn’t say anything for a long time. “Really. I was just going to stitch it up quickly and come back.” 

“You were going to stitch up your dominant, _shooting_ hand with your non-dominant one?” His voice, though seemingly calm, has a layer of tension underneath it. She can see how cranked tight he is by the wrinkles on his forehead, the furrow of his brows. 

“Yes,” she says slowly, realizing that perhaps her idea isn’t as good as she’d thought it to be. “I’ve done it before.” 

_(but she’s not on her own anymore. she shouldn’t have to –– but old habits die hard.)_

_“Jyn –– “_ he runs his hand through his hair, exhaling sharply, then grabs her bicep, tugging her forward. “We’re going to the medbay. Now.” 

Immediately, Jyn digs her heels into the ground. Fear makes her stomach clench. Her voice is strangled when she ~~pleas~~ says,  _“No.”_

Cassian knows how much she dislikes going there, has seen the way she avoids it unless otherwise necessary. Still, he pushes her. “Do you really want to risk destroying your hand?” 

“If it means not going to the medbay.” 

Her answer is irrational, she knows. She doesn’t _want_ to mess-up her hand, so she’s not going to. Simple as that.

He’s silent for a couple seconds, studying her. “Let’s make a deal, then.” 

She eyes him warily. “Go on.” 

“You go to the medbay and let them fix your hand, and –– “ she opens her mouth to protest, but he holds up a finger, “ ––  _and_ you go whenever you injure yourself after this. In return, I’ll –– “ a sigh, “ –– I’ll start going to those therapy sessions.” 

Her mouth parts, eyes glimmering with something akin to hope. “Seriously?” 

“I’m serious,” he tells her, mouth twitching. “I’ve been thinking about it for awhile, but I’ve been busy. But if it this forces you start taking care of yourself, then I’ll make the time.” 

For the past couple weeks, she’s been encouraging him to start talking to someone about his past, what he’s done, and the nightmares that plague him. It’s a cunning plan, using her love for him for his own gain, but she’ll do anything for him. 

Even putting aside her hatred for the medbay so he finally agrees to get the care he needs. 

She nods once. “Okay.” 

He raises a brow, looking slightly wary. She doesn’t blame him; she would be too, with the sheer amount of lies she says everyday.

“Come on,” she tells him, now being the one to lead him. “The quicker I get this fixed, the quicker _you_ can start therapy.” 

“Don’t make me regret this deal,” he groans softly, but follows her anyway. There’s no heat in his voice; she suspects he wants to get better as much as she wants him to. 

“No,” she murmurs, voice surprisingly soft, “no, I don’t think you will.” 


	20. traying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for anonymous on tumblr, who asked: "Rebelcaptain: skiing or snowboarding" 
> 
> traying is a tradition we do at my college, though we normally use them as sleds @jyn

“Are you sure you’ve done this before?” 

Cassian’s worry is etched on his face, teeth biting down into his lip and wrinkles set firmly at the corners of his eyes, on his forehead. It’s strange that she can see his face out here, so used to heavy layers that normally cover his face when he leaves base; the moment the blizzard had let up, she’d dragged Cassian outside alongside dozens of other rebels, claiming cabin fever.

“’course I have,” Jyn bluffs easily, setting the tray stolen from the mess hall down at her feet and looking down the hill without a hint of fear or apprehension. From the ground, it had looked a lot smaller; now that she stands at the top, it looks all the more menacing. 

Not that it bothers her or anything. She’s doing this, all the same. 

“You can’t just sit on it?” he asks, motioning to the others doing the same thing, pushing each other across the ice and snow, all seated on the same brightly colored food tray. “Jyn, if you fall, you’re going to crack your head open.” 

He sounds more exasperated than anything, quite used to her reckless antics by now. She shakes her head, the cold tinting cheeks pink, skin flushed and wind-swept. “If Luke can do it, so can I.” 

“Commander Skywalker used the Force to keep himself upright,” he remarks dryly, crossing his arms over the chest. 

“So? I don’t _need_ the Force. I’m just that good.” 

“Good at getting into trouble,” he mutters in response, something which Jyn cheerfully ignores as she clambers onto the tray.

Without asking, he reaches out to steady her as she gains her footing. Her boots slip against the plastic, wet with snow and ice, though she tries to even out her balance by spreading them out to the side, kept on the tray by pushing against the rim. She knows better than to lock her knees; instead, she relaxes her body, lets herself go loose. 

She’s got this, even if Cassian doesn’t believe in her. She’ll show that farmboy that she doesn’t need the Force to win. 

(And while it’s not really a competition – Luke probably doesn’t even know she’s attempting this – she’s still going to do it anyway. Being stuck inside for weeks has made her antsy, competitive. 

Slightly impulsive, too.) 

“You going to let go of me anytime soon?” 

He huffs out a laugh, leaning forward to kiss the top of her head. “I have the medbay on call,” he tells her, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. Amusement dances in his eyes. “I’ll drag you there if I have to.” 

“Oh, shove off,” she responses, laughing. “I’m not going to fall.” 

Which is exactly what she does. 

As soon as Cassian lets go of her, she leans forward, using her momentum to get the tray moving. It’s slow going at first, but she quickly begins to gain speed, wind whipping through her loose hair, tight bun almost pulled completely free. 

She lets out a whoop, laughing hard. Turning her head back to Cassian, she opens her mouth to yell  _“I told you so!”_ , but the small movement sends her off-balance, careening off of the tray and into a snowbank. 

She lands flat on her back, the wind knocked out of her on impact. The tray continues its path down the hill, stopping at the bottom in pristine condition. Jyn stares up at the sky, trying to catch her breath with great, wheezing inhales. 

She blinks – in one second, Cassian kneels above her, cupping her face in hands. Desperation tinges his voice. “Jyn? Jyn, can you hear me?” 

“I’m fine, you _nerfherder_ ,” she says, waving him off. He helps her sit up, one hand on her back and the other pulling at her arm. “ _Psfassk_ , that hurts.” 

“Did you hit your head?” 

“Landed right on my back.” At that, he winces out of sympathy. “Going to have a big, kriffing bruise there tomorrow.”  

But that’s not what she cares about. After a moment’s silence, she laments to Cassian, “I _almost_ made it.” 

He laughs, eyes bright. “You were brilliant.” 

“Not brilliant enough to beat Luke,” she responds sourly. “And now I’m _cold_.” The snow that she’s sitting on is melting underneath her body heat, sinking and soaking into her clothes. 

“I can offer you a consolation prize,” he murmurs, eyes darkening as he stands up and offers his hand. “If you want it.” 

Jyn grins, reaching up to grab his arm. All thoughts of her defeat on the slopes slide out of her mind at the look on his face. “Oh, I _want_ it.” 

(Maybe she wins after all.)

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to send prompts to me on tumblr @[jynirso](https://jynirso.tumblr.com) or leave a comment if you want to see something in particular!


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